What Do Men Want? cover art

What Do Men Want?

Masculinity and Its Discontents

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What Do Men Want?

By: Nina Power
Narrated by: Nina Power
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About this listen

Brought to you by Penguin.

It would be easy to write a feminist polemic denouncing men. This is not that book.

Something is definitely up with men. From millions who follow Jordan Peterson to the #MeToo backlash, from men's rights activists and incels to spiralling suicide rates, it's easy to see that, while men still rule the world, masculinity is in crisis.

How can men and women live together in a world where capitalism and consumerism has replaced the values - family, religion, service and honour - that used to give our lives meaning? Feminism has gone some way towards dismantling the patriarchy, but how can we hold on to the best aspects of our metaphorical Father?

With illuminating writing from an original, big-picture perspective, Nina Power unlocks the secrets hidden in our culture to enable men and women to practice playfulness and forgiveness and reach a true mutual understanding and a lifetime of love.

©2022 Nina Power (P)2022 Penguin Audio Gender Studies Social Sciences

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All stars
Most relevant  
... among a lot of other things she is good on what power is really like (the messiness of 'patriarchy' for instance); how class differs from power and is being ignored by current fashions. A well-argued attempt overall to lay down something that will improve relations between the sexes and within them. NP's Substack, a strange blend of prose-poetry and philosophy, is compelling too.

Lovely book...

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I downloaded this after hearing Nina on a podcast.
What endeared me to her and what parts of this book I appreciate the most are the constant calls to reconciliation and to stop listening to the goading of society which has petulance as its modus operandi. Or so I believe.

Interestingly enough, during the podcast I heard her on; Nina’s final take was for us to ‘re-enchant the world’. Gosh! So wonderful.

Whether or not I believe that we are pitted against each other to the extent that this book says. We probably are, and obviously she’s collating the evidence that it IS out there……it’s the way she simply asks to just enjoy each other.

I’ll not be as poetic. But she makes multiple points of sweet naivety for us to unify. To accept all about us as world inhabiting and world sharing beings. Literally; what other option is out there?

I’ve been recently exposed to this idea of ‘Unconditional Positive Regard’ which if I (or you! :)) don’t take on; then a living hell awaits :)

Men this, men that; it’s the small and powerful ways Nina shows us a way forward that I found best about this book.

“It’s easy to get everyone to rally around a problem, very hard to get them to rally around a solution” - some right-winger in America :)

Compassionate

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Refreshingly sane and balanced look at this contentious area. A couple of blind spots seem to be a baffling scepticism about the prevalence of hypergamy (see Diana Fleischmann), and the seemingly universal focus on the worst elements in society as being informative about the rest.

Welcome and constructive

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And this is and is not the important question - are biological differences ‘natural kinds’ - things in themselves and not social constructions- like genders are seen as identifying positions - thus it leads to questions of how is ‘sex at birth’ assigned - and is ‘inter-sexed’ also a ‘natural kind’ etc.

And what really matters and this text highlights it -is not philosophical system’s or Marxist modes of production - but diplomacy creating gentle and kind ways of sharing differences and recognition of a common human identity - building a community of speak acts that don’t require making verbal war on the ‘other’ - can we let others be too.

What Kind of ‘Natural Kind’ is Sexual Differences

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Nina Power is one of our most important cultural critics and philosophers. Her assessments are balanced, fair and reasonable, that these qualities seem to make her views radical is an indictment of the times. I wish there were more like her.

Honest, Fair and Reasonable

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Early on in this book, the author seems to assert a view of sex and gender that, I personally sense, could be taken by any transphobic readers to reinforce their ideas/feelings.
As such, it tainted the rest of the listening for me, although I made an effort to persist, as boo and hiss to polarisation and echo chambers.
It seemed very strange for the author to suggest we have moved away from using the word ‘sex’, when concerning biological sex, because we have become embarrassed with the association with sexual intercourse. Whilst not fully infantilising, it again tainted my reading.
Personally, I tend to read books that are research-based and -backed. This book is not, seemingly, with the author instead using a lot of fancy words and phrases to give it an air of intellect. Granted, she uses them well, and may be in line with the social commentary genre she offers here - but the suggestions/content felt lacking and general for me.
When talking about ‘incels’ and the #metoo movement, she seems to suggest a message of “oh don’t worry about it”. Whilst it does sound like an understanding idea to consider the emotional hurt that increases ‘incel’ prevalence, she seems to be dismissing the risk and hurt that has certainly been involved with both, which seems inconsiderate to me.
I had good hopes for this book from the title/blurb, but it fell short.
Sadly, what this man wants, is to continue reading Ivan Jablonka’s book.

Nothing Special

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And written by a woman. Such empathy. I found this to be an insightful, cogent analysis of masculinity, the lot of men, their place in 21st century Western society, and the relations between the sexes. Can’t recommend it highly enough.

The best modern analysis of masculinity I’ve come across

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