How Not to F*** Them Up cover art

How Not to F*** Them Up

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How Not to F*** Them Up

By: James Oliver
Narrated by: Paul Blake
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About this listen

As a mother, are you comfortable in your skin? Want to know how best to be a working or stay-at-home mum? Babies have very simple needs, yet many parents are overwhelmed with elaborate advice on how to meet them. In How Not to F*** Them Up leading child psychologist Oliver James argues that your under-threes do not need training; it's getting your head straight as a parent that's important. Drawing on extensive interviews and the latest clinical research, James identifies three basic types of mum: the Hugger, the Organiser, and the Fleximum. Outlining the benefits and pitfalls of each, How Not to F*** Them Up shows you how to recognise which style suits you best and outlines simple strategies to reconcile personal ambitions with the needs of your family.

Empowering and provocative, Oliver James will help you make the best choices for bringing up a happy, confident child.

©2012 James Oliver (P)2012 Random House AudioGo Fatherhood Food & Wine Parenting & Families Personal Development Personal Success Relationships Health Mental Health

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Most relevant  

What did you like most about How Not to F*** Them Up?

The advice and case examples.

What other book might you compare How Not to F*** Them Up to, and why?

It's the first parenting book I have listened to.

Have you listened to any of Paul Blake’s other performances? How does this one compare?

No

Was there a moment in the book that particularly moved you?

It was wonderful to hear that postnatal depression is not genetic.

Any additional comments?

The messages the author wants to give across are repeated as themes throughout the book. This book has influenced my plans for parenting and child care options.

Excellent beginners guide to parenting

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Basically, good is good enough, comprise is OK and there's no "right" answer. Just do what's right for you and your circumstance

Not bad but very bloated

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I found this a really upsetting read, and I’m not sure why it was recommended. The author clearly has strong opinions about putting your child in a nursery, but it does seem to suggest nursery care is always harmful to children, which simply isn’t the case. I would say that if you’re in the lucky position of having lots of childcare options to choose from, go ahead and read it. If, like most parents you are doing your best in difficult circumstances, it may be best to avoid this as it’s not helpful to be made to feel guilty about things out with your control.

A very judgmental and upsetting read.

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I had to give up on reading this. I read They F You Up years ago and really enjoyed it, but I quit this after the typology. I’m a psychologist and wasn’t convinced at all by the categories or by their naming (which is important). I wonder how many people he worked with to develop them and how far they would agree with them. As a mother to a toddler I’m even less convinced - I didn’t fit any category: I’m supposedly a ‘hugger’. I bedshare, nurse on demand, parent gently and responsively- what people call ‘attachment parenting’. But I don’t adore doing it or sink into it like the earth mother he described. I do it because I feel it’s the right thing but i miss my work and life terribly and am forever clawing to get bits back. I even work at weekends unpaid! There was no room for that kind of complex, ambivalent experience in those categories (and I know I’m not alone in my approach or my feelings about it) and so I was alienated from the offset. It was also clear that the general vibe of the book would be ‘do whatever works for you’ which is totally good advice but I don’t think I need to read a whole book for that.

Had to give up

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