Showing results by author "Rick Gualtieri" in All Categories

Gamer, geek, and vampire – Bill Ryder was a normal guy who's now trying to survive in a world of abnormal horrors. Despite awesome powers and a Brooklyn-sized attitude, the odds are stacked heavily against him. Bill must fulfill his destiny and save the world from the ancient terrors threatening it – all while trying to build some semblance of a social life.

My name is Tamara Bentley, "Bent" to my friends, and I'm not supposed to exist. I was born of the forbidden union between a witch and a werewolf, and they've been trying their damnedest to hide my existence ever since. But now my secret is out, and my uncle, the leader of the wolf pack, is pissed beyond belief. In his eyes, I'm something that should've never been born. He wants me dead and doesn't care who he has to sacrifice to get the job done.

The collection begins with "The Ghost of Hooker Alley," which introduces listeners to 10-year-old Sarah and six-year-old Tommy. After a quick bus ride into town to buy a gun, Sarah and Tommy think their problems are all but solved. That is, until a creepy weirdo follows them into an alley. But they aren't the only ones in that alley.... "The Monkey's Penis" features Chris, a teenage boy who receives a birthday gift unlike any other. In "Gary's Children," a man's quest for stress relief leads to terror, and an unexpected kidnapping takes place in "Aliens Wrecked Our Kegger."

Get ready for the final FOUR novels of the sidesplitting Tome of Bill series – over 50 hours of laugh-out-loud horror comedy. Despite everything he’s experienced, gamer turned vampire Bill Ryder would rather still roll initiative with his friends than take this supernatural shit seriously. Too bad that’s an attitude the ancient horrors threatening the world don’t particularly appreciate.

My name’s Tim McAvoy. I was a mid-level software manager from suburbia until the day I caught my wife with another man. I thought our divorce was the worst fate imaginable. But then I met my end at the grill of a speeding bus, only to realize I didn’t have a clue. Whisked away at the moment of my death to a dimension beyond time and space, I now find myself an unwilling contestant in a multiversal game where brutal bloodshed is considered entertainment. My only chance to get my life back is to win.

Watching my friends die was hard. Getting blown up right after was even worse. But that's nothing compared to waking up to the mother I never knew and finding out she's a monster far worse than anything I've faced so far. Now, not only is she trying to set me up with every eligible demon between here and Hades, but she's busy plotting the demise of my best friend Gary—setting us up on a collision course for a battle to the death. All I want is to escape her clutches and get back to my life, but with a supernatural war brewing that might not be possible.

My name's Tamara Bentley, and I should be happy to be heading home for the holidays. Too bad tensions between the supernatural forces surrounding my hometown are at an all-time high - witches and werewolves, ancient enemies who would happily slaughter each other. One side fears me, the other doesn't know I exist, and I aim to keep it that way, lest they both decide to find common ground in killing me.

For five years, my life has been a living breathing hell - literally. Worst of all, I don't remember any of it. We're not talking some vague blackout here, no, this is full-on comic book levels of amnesia. But now I'm back, only to find the whole world managed to survive without me. Some hero I turned out to be.

My name’s Bill Ryder and, despite being a legendary creature of the night, I’m not having the best of days. My girlfriend is trapped in another dimension, my apartment’s being staked out by werewolves, and to top it all off I’m flat freaking broke. Too bad there’s no rest for the wicked. Monstrous beasts of biblical proportions have been unleashed upon the world, leaving me with a mighty big question. How the hell is one poor-ass vamp supposed to stop something the size of a battleship?

Shingles Audio Collection, Volume 4 begins with "Carnival of Psychos". In this story, Richie Spoonerman finds himself being chased by a psychotic clown in the Maze of Mirrors at the carnival. In "That Time of the Month", Molly Stein's life was hard enough before she started noticing some weird changes. For one, a suspicious number of people seem to be exploding around her. Plus much more!

Imagine going to bed with mousy brown locks and waking up with a headful of supernova scarlet. It's a hot new look for me - literally, because it bursts into flames whenever I'm threatened. My magical makeover is all Gary's fault. I knew there was something off from the moment he transferred to my school. Go figure. He's a wizard with a trust fund and an inferiority complex. Now, thanks to him, I've graduated from high school bullies to supernatural terrors and that's not all. Fate has chosen me to face the legendary vampire destined to destroy the world.

Rowan Sinclair has trained for a life in the shadows. As a member of the Guild, she's vowed to mercilessly hunt werewolves or die trying. But when one approaches her, claiming to know her missing father's fate, she decides to do the unthinkable - work with one of the very monsters she's sworn to destroy. Dean Mason is a man living with a curse, doing whatever he can to keep the beast inside from sating its bloodlust under the light of the full moon. When a chance meeting offers a tantalizing glimpse of a potential cure, he'll do anything to end the nightmare.

My name's Bill Ryder and I have no life, but not because I enjoy video games or D&D. I literally have no heartbeat thanks to the night I met Sally. She was too good to be true, a woman to die for. So I did, bleeding out with my throat torn open. Problem is, I didn't stay dead. Now I'm a vampire, surrounded by other vamps who are stronger and faster – not to mention better looking. It's enough to give a guy a complex. Worse, their leader, a douche called Night Razor, can't stand me.

My name's Tamara Bentley and lately everything I touch turns to crap. My best friend is missing, I was forced to kill my favorite aunt...oh, and my parents have been kidnapped by the queen of the fairies. It's enough to give a person a complex. There's no time to drown my sorrows, though. I've got two warring factions to contend with. Neither the witches nor the werewolves like me, much less respect me, but somehow I need to rally them to my cause if I'm to have any chance of rescuing my parents.

Nobody likes getting bullied, and Donny has had enough. Deciding to take matters into his own hands, he solicits the help of the old Asian man at the end of his street to teach him Karate. During a grueling two days of training, Donny earns belt after belt, until he finally becomes a Karate Master.

My name’s Bill Ryder and, oddly enough, my lack of heartbeat is probably the least concerning thing in my life. My witch girlfriend has been marked for death by a vampire temptress who wants me for herself. With both sides spoiling for a fight, the chances of them talking out their problems over lunch are slim. While I’d love to help smooth things over, I’ve been way too distracted dealing with evil leprechauns and redneck werewolves.

My name’s Bill Ryder and I’m having a hell of a week. Magic is back, my new roommate is a blob of yellow snot, and my friend Sally has been entombed alive in solid rock. Oh, and I’m dead again, or undead anyway. Life’s not quite finished taking a dump on me yet, because now something is hunting vampires in New York City. A smarmy-ass wizard has been called in to investigate – one who’s got a closet full of skeletons and eyes for my girlfriend.

My name is Jessie Flores and I thought I was done being jerked around by witches, dryads, and gods in my quest to become a real-life superhero. Turns out they were just getting started. My father's been kidnapped, a handsome vampire with a shady past won't stop shadowing me, and my best friend's family is actively trying to kill him. Fixing all of that won't be easy, though, since I've been cursed to complete 13 divine trials, while a newb fury haunts my every step. If I fail, I'll die. If I hesitate, my friends will suffer instead.

My name’s Bill Ryder and five years ago I saved the world, banishing magic and monsters to the shadows. Not bad for a game programmer from New York. Anyway, I thought it was over, that I was done with all that supernatural crap. Too bad shit's about to get surreal again. Now the impossible has happened. My goddaughter is conjuring fireballs from thin air and two vampires have shown up at my doorstep looking to kick my ass.

Ed Vesser feels trapped by his life - literally. He’s being held prisoner by a would-be world conqueror. All he wants is to escape back to his fiancé, assuming she doesn’t dump his ass when she finds out he’s a vampire. Serena Taylor’s a witch with a knack for technomancy - using her magic to help deliver unreal profit margins. Too bad she’ll need to put in some overtime thanks to long-lost dryads and undead goons breathing down her neck.