Presidents Humour

London, 2044. Britain is a republic. President Jan Polak has vanished overnight from Buckingham Palace, just weeks before an election. Has he been kidnapped? Or even killed? One man is determined to find out - as soon as he's had his breakfast. His name is Pond. Howie Pond - the president's official spokesperson and wannabe secret agent. With just a love of James Bond films to guide him, Howie sets out on a mission to solve the missing-president mystery.

Dining alone in an elegant Parisian brasserie, accountant Daniel Mercier can hardly believe his eyes when President François Mitterrand sits down to eat at the table next to him. After the presidential party has gone, Daniel discovers that Mitterrand’s black felt hat has been left behind. After a few moments’ soul-searching, Daniel decides to keep the hat as a souvenir of an extraordinary evening. It’s a perfect fit, and as he leaves the restaurant Daniel begins to feel somehow...different.

Of the 44 presidents who have led the United States, nine made mistakes that permanently scarred the nation. Which nine? Brion McClanahan, author of The Politically Incorrect Guide to the Founding Fathers and The Founding Fathers' Guide to the Constitution, will surprise listeners with his list, which he supports with exhaustive and entertaining evidence.

The question is, how can you tell the President's brain is missing? And are we sure we need it back?

From heroic George Washington to the dastardly Richard Nixon, the oval office has been occupied by larger-than-life personalities since 1789. The position comes with enormous power and responsibility, and every American president thus far has managed to achieve great things. However, the President of the United States is only human - and oftentimes far from perfect. While some men suffered through only minor mishaps during their time in office, others are famously remembered for leaving behind much bigger messes.

Democratic vice presidential candidate Senator Joseph Lieberman made history when he became the first person of Jewish faith to be included on a major-party ticket. But he wasn't the first one to think of it. Not by a long shot. Long before he ran for office, Al Franken asked the question, Why Not Me? in his comedic audiobook of the same name....

In President Me, Carolla shares his vision for a different, better America free from big issues like big government down to small problems like hotel alarm clock placement. Running on an anti-narcissism platform, President Carolla calls for a return to the values of an earlier time when stew and casserole were on every dinner table and there were no “service dogs” on airplanes. President Me hits right at the heart of what makes our country really annoying, and offers a plan to make all of our lives, but mostly Adam’s, much better.

Ambitious and hardworking Tracy Flick feels underappreciated and stuck. Her job as a high school assistant principal isn’t the political career she dreamed of as an over-achieving teen, so when the longtime principal abruptly announces his retirement, offering a rare chance of promotion, Tracy is filled with zeal at the prospect of success. But nothing ever comes easily to Tracy Flick, no matter how diligent or qualified she happens to be.

Instead of saying "I do" to Mr. Irresistible, Lucy Jorik hitches a ride on the back of a beat-up motorcycle with a rough looking, bad-tempered stranger who couldn't be more foreign to her privileged existence. While the world searches for her, Lucy must search for herself, and she quickly realizes that her customary good manners are no defense against a man who's raised rudeness to an art form. Lucy needs to toughen up - and fast. Her great escape takes her to his rambling beach house on a Great Lakes island. Here, she hopes to find a new direction...and to unlock the secrets of this man who knows so much about her.

Timothy Cooper's novel, 2020 or My Name Is Jesus Christ and I'm Running for President paints a hilariously envisioned America caught up in presidential politics. In actuality, it tells the prophetic story of the rise of Donald Trump. Here Jesus returns to Earth, only to find himself pitted against his satanic stepbrother, Beelzebub, in a contest for the presidency and for the very soul of America.

From short, fat, bald John Adams' wig-throwing tantrums during the 1800 election to Abraham Lincoln's decision to grow a beard in 1860; from John F. Kennedy's choice to forgo the fedora at his inauguration to John Kerry's decision to get Botoxed for the 2004 race; from the Golden Age of Facial Hair (1860-1912) to the Age of the Banker (1912-1960); from Washington's false teeth to George W. Bush's workout regimen, Project President tells the story of America's love affair with presidential looks and appearance.

The Onion is proud to present The President of Vice: The Autobiography of Joe Biden. In this scandalous memoir, America's favorite politician discusses his early years, before he became ultimate wingman to the leader of the free world. For the first time ever “Diamond” Joe discusses the formative experiences of his life, including his childhood selling hooch in Scranton, his years cruising college campuses picking up co-eds in a Del Rio, the grade-A tang he plowed in the summer of '87, and his "sweet ass gig" as Senator of Delaware.

Raising the literary bar to a new level, Jerome Charyn re-creates the voice of Theodore Roosevelt, the New York City police commissioner, Rough Rider, and soon-to-be 26th president through his derring-do adventures, effortlessly combining superhero dialogue with haunting pathos. Beginning with his sickly childhood and concluding with McKinley's assassination, the novel positions Roosevelt as a "perfect bull in a china shop," a fearless crime fighter and pioneering environmentalist who would grow up to be our greatest peacetime president.

Imagine you live next door to the "neighbor from hell". And then imagine what might happen if the neighbor from hell is the most powerful person in the world - the president of the United States!

In Destined for Destiny, "George W. Bush" offers listeners an intimate, plainspoken, and sometimes articulate look at the character-shaping achievements that led to his inevitable rise to the office of President of the United States. Written from the heart, not from the brain, this definitive autobiography takes listeners on a journey through the 43rd President's life.

Well, now you've gone and done it, America. You've elected Donald K. Trump president, and the US will never again be the same! The problem for all of us is that he's got plans - lots of them. The list reads like a bad acid trip: nominating Bernie Madoff for secretary of the Treasury; "Trumpifying" the Constitution; making personal real estate deals with Vladimir Putin; staging a hostile takeover of one of America's great news magazines - to name just a few.

Laugh with political humorist Gerald Gardner, as she takes an entertaining and probing look at how our last six Presidents have deliberately and effectively employed humor to achieve their political goals. In a special live recording of his best-selling book, Gardner sounds remarkably like JFK, LBJ, Nixon, Ford, Carter and Reagan, as he demonstrates how our Chief Executives have made strategic use of humor to win people over, avoid sensitive issues, to defuse tense situations, and to deflect criticism.

Una obra maestra de la sátira política -empapada en vodka y desternillante- sobre el ocaso de un Vladímir Putin senil en un futuro ya muy cercano...Vladímir P envejece a marchas forzadas aislado en un mundo poblado por los recuerdos de sus años en el poder. Para desprenderse del antaño todopoderoso gran líder con todos los honores (y horrores), y no levantar sospechas entre sus súbditos sobre su difícilmente disimulable demencia senil, se le invita con sumo tacto a pasar el resto de sus días confinado en una suerte de exilio vacacional entre los muros de su lujosa dacha, al atento y todo menos desinteresado cuidado de su personal doméstico.

Patrick Wensink’s Broken Piano for President earned him status as an internationally best-selling author - as well as a "World’s Nicest Cease and Desist" from Jack Daniel’s. Deshler Dean is only at his brilliant best when he’s blackout drunk. Having invented a hamburger as addictive as crystal meth, scored a record contract for his alt-rock band, and become entangled in the biggest war since WWII, Deshler finds himself tackling the fast-food industry - and trying to save the world.

A fictional account of a future woman president's tenure, this funny satire imagines a president who stops war, gets rid of the IRS, and then gets down to work on handling illiteracy, illegal drug abuse, and other social ills. She has an attitude, and she's determined. Maybe you'll find some ideas that could be put into use today.