In this episode of The Secure Love Podcast, host and couples therapist Julie Menanno focuses on Melissa, the anxious partner in her relationship with Drew. Melissa feels an overwhelming sense of "getting it wrong" in her interactions with him. As Melissa navigates these vulnerable feelings, Julie guides her out of intellectualizing emotions and into truly experiencing them. Through the session, Julie points out how Melissa's tendency to process feelings in her head can act as a defense mechanism against deeper pain, stemming from a fear of rejection and loneliness.

As Melissa opens up, Julie reassures Drew's presence, ensuring he is a co-regulating force for Melissa's emotions. She emphasizes how Drew, though supportive, needs to work on acknowledging Melissa's feelings without jumping into his own discomfort or trying to fix them immediately. For those listening, Julie encourages self-validation by staying with difficult emotions, rather than rushing to intellectualize or dismiss them. The key takeaway: in relationships, partners should make space for each other's feelings before attempting to address or resolve them. This process not only deepens emotional intimacy but also helps build secure attachment over time.

• Follow Julie Menanno on social media @thesecurerelationship.
• For weekly homework assignments visit Julie's website: The Secure Relationship
• Purchase Julie's book Secure Love: Create a Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime

Julie offers insightful feedback, emphasizing that their struggle in this case isn't about their parenting but rather how they respond to challenges together. She highlights the importance of coming together as a team, even briefly, to get on the same page in difficult moments. The episode underscores the value of choosing connection over avoidance and the power of being present with your partner, especially when facing external pressures.

• Follow Julie Menanno on social media @thesecurerelationship.
• For weekly homework assignments visit Julie's website: The Secure Relationship
• Purchase Julie's book Secure Love: Create a Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime

In this episode, Drew, the avoidant partner in his relationship with Melissa, begins to confront his deep-seated feelings of inadequacy and shame. Drew's inner critic, which has driven him to seek perfection and self-improvement, also caused emotional pain and isolation. As he starts to unravel these complex feelings, he struggles to articulate them but makes significant progress in acknowledging their impact on his life and relationship.

Julie’s guidance helps Drew understand that these negative beliefs don’t define him and encourages him to be vulnerable, even if it’s not perfectly expressed. This shift is crucial for Drew, who has often avoided confronting these emotions. Melissa’s empathetic response underscores the importance of mutual support and understanding in a relationship. Their interaction highlights a move from old patterns of avoidance and self-criticism to a more connected and secure relationship.

Have you ever faced challenges with vulnerability in your relationship, especially as an avoidant partner? How might addressing these deep-seated feelings impact your connection with others? This episode offers insights into transforming avoidance into meaningful emotional engagement.

• Follow Julie Menanno on social media @thesecurerelationship.
• For weekly homework assignments visit Julie's website: The Secure Relationship
• Purchase Julie's book Secure Love: Create a Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime