• What Happens After We Leave
    May 26 2024

    We lay in bed at night and dream about what life would be like if we left the ones we desperately love who struggle with addiction. What would living without constant worry feel like? How would we deal with our finances, the kids, and no one to laugh with on holidays?

    Sometimes, imagining leaving feels so freeing (especially when they are not answering their phones or are passed out on the couch). But the next moment, it can be absolutely terrifying, thinking of being alone and the anger and judgment we might face.

    So, how does it really feel once we’ve moved on?

    https://michelleanderson.substack.com/

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    8 mins
  • Three Ways Addiction Makes Us Feel Like It's Our Fault
    May 19 2024

    When we love someone suffering from addiction, we can often get into the bad habit of blaming ourselves for their poor behavior. Addiction is manipulative and cunning. Becoming educated women will ensure we don’t fall for one of the most common lies in the addiction playbook: if WE change, they will get sober.

    We have nothing to do with their sobriety. Truly. We could leave, we could stay, we could change every single trait about ourselves, and they would STILL need to decide for themselves to commit to a sober life and continue to make that choice every day for the rest of their lives. And that choice - the choice to get healthy, has nothing to do with us.

    https://michelleanderson.substack.com/

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    8 mins
  • A Well Designed Happy Life With or Without Them
    May 12 2024

    How would it feel if I said we need to live a life that isn’t dependent on our loved one’s sobriety? And if we can create that kind of life, we can have a happy future if they get sober or not. We can learn to live with or without our partners.

    Here’s the loving truth: we hope and pray that our loved ones will not drink too much or stop using drugs and start being faithful. But when we put our lives on hold, hoping they will keep their promise of remaining sober and stopping their bad habits, we are leaving our happiness in their hands.

    https://michelleanderson.substack.com/

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    5 mins
  • What To Do With The Kids If Our Partner Is Drinking or Using Drugs
    May 5 2024

    Knowing what to do when our loved one starts drinking or using drugs around the children can be difficult. Here’s one helpful tip: We don’t need to stick around when they're making bad choices. We can ask them to leave the house. If they refuse or they’re too drunk, we can pick up our keys, grab the kids, and head right out the door.

    https://michelleanderson.substack.com/

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    7 mins
  • Should We Leave?
    Apr 28 2024

    "Should I leave my partner?"

    What a big question. And let's be honest, it's a question that many women in this community have. Let’s first start off by saying thinking about leaving is nothing to be ashamed of. We’re doing the right thing by looking for answers, even though it’s hard.

    The state of our relationships is not our fault. We fell in love with someone who really struggles with a very tragic and common issue. We love them. We see their potential. And we would do anything if the ones we love just got healthy.

    https://michelleanderson.substack.com/

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    6 mins
  • If We Struggle With Codependency
    Apr 21 2024

    Change is necessary if we want to move forward. Some of us enjoy changing, and others will avoid making the changes we know we need to because we're scared (I am raising my own hand).

    Change is uncomfortable, and staying stuck in our misery sometimes feels easier - even though it's not always what's best.

    https://michelleanderson.substack.com/

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    5 mins
  • What To Do When We Feel Overwhelmed
    Apr 14 2024

    When I was married to a good man who suffered from addiction, I was terrified of leaving him. I thought about leaving all the time; I think part of me always knew, we would end up in divorce, but the idea of actually leaving paralyzed me with fear.

    There were times I was so upset I would try to will myself to leave, but for many reasons, I was always unable to walk away from a very unhealthy relationship. I thought, “Am I stuck in this marriage forever? Do I really have the courage to take my kids and leave?”

    https://michelleanderson.substack.com/

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    10 mins
  • The Truth About Trusting Them
    Apr 7 2024

    When our loved ones who struggle with addiction choose to go to rehab or get help, it can bring up all sorts of feelings. We might feel hopeful that maybe THIS time, they will get sober for good. We might feel scared that maybe this won’t work and will be a huge disappointment. We might feel resentful that they are being cared for and looked after while we are left at home working overtime to make up for their absence.

    But one of the biggest worries I hear often is concerning trust. How can we ever trust them again?

    https://michelleanderson.substack.com/

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    7 mins