We Over Me cover art

We Over Me

The Counterintuitive Approach to Getting Everything You Want from Your Relationship

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We Over Me

By: Khadeen Ellis, Devale Ellis
Narrated by: Khadeen Ellis, Devale Ellis
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About this listen

NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • The stars of the social media show The Ellises and hosts of the Webby Award-winning podcast Dead Ass with K&D share the core pillars of their relationship as millennial lovers and parents that have allowed them to thrive.

“Staying married in this day and age takes a whole different mindset, and this book gives an intimate and honest look at the inner workings of their strong union.”—Gia Peppers, award-winning journalist and host

After twelve years of marriage, twenty years together, and four kids, Devale and Khadeen Ellis have been through a lot. They’ve loved their way through a long-distance relationship, financial instability, parenthood, Khadeen’s near-death, and their near-divorce, chronicling their day-to-day life with their boys online. After much trial and error, they hit upon one surprising, essential truth: If you’re looking for a healthy relationship and a fulfilling life, focus on your partner’s needs instead of your wants. Choosing service over selfishness will not only make your relationship stronger, but it will help you achieve your own goals and build a legacy together.

With their trademark transparency and humor, Khadeen and Devale share the messy, behind-the-scenes work of what it takes to succeed and support one another in their search for individual purpose while growing in their marriage. They discuss family, parenting, sex and intimacy, finances, and commitment, with honest advice threaded through their stories, such as:

  • Stop comparing yourselves to other couples and make your own rules.
  • Learn how to function as a team.
  • Keep talking about sex.
  • The kids ain’t first.

The Ellises might not have all the answers, but they do know that good love takes friendship, grace, and service. Their personal and relatable truths will inspire you to be the kind of partner you want to be so you can build a supportive, enduring relationship.

©2023 Devale Ellis and Khadeen Ellis (P)2023 Random House Audio
Love, Dating & Attraction Marriage & Long-Term Partnerships Personal Development Personal Success Relationships Witty Marriage

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Critic reviews

“Khadeen and Devale Ellis’s story shows that marriage can be a bumpy ride, but if you can laugh and cry together, argue fairly, and put we over me, you'll be on your way to long-lasting love and commitment.”—Tiffany “The Budgetnista” Aliche, New York Times bestselling author of Get Good with Money

“Putting we over me is a concept that we have applied to our relationship for twenty-five years. Khadeen and Devale are great examples for how loving, playful, devoted, and business minded your relationship can be. Intentionally doing it all together and consistently putting the we over me. We are certain their testimony will inspire you and activate your relationship to mirror what they model.”—Dondré Whitfield and Salli Richardson Whitfield, actors

“The Ellis’s story shows that while marriage can be a bumpy ride, it can also be unbelievably beautiful if you learn how to argue constructively, put we over me, and remember to have a little fun along the way. This book will have you laughing and crying, and it’s a must-read for couples and singles who want the best out of their relationship (or who just want to be entertained)!”—Tommy and Codie Elaine Oliver, founders of Black Love, Inc.

All stars
Most relevant  
this was a very candid and open book about love from khadeem and Devale Ellis. I follow their podcast and listening to this was just a plus. I'll always support these guys I've learned a lot from just listening to them.

loved listening to this

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Loved the realism of their marriage portrayed within the book. There were bits that I feel were missed that would’ve added more context to certain situations discussed and some bits of advice that weren’t practical but on the whole a fantastic read and leaves you with food for thought. Look forward to more books by them as hinted throughout.

A great, unfiltered version of your story

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I liked that Khadeen and Devale were the narratorsof their own book.
Good Story and Lessons.

In this book i discover that the doubts that i had were all normal and how to deal with them better.

Love it!

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I love you guys already, but this wasn’t just a look in to your lives and how you got here but many awesome lessons! Thank you 💛

Love love love!

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K&D you are two amazing souls and understand the assignment that God has given you both! what an honest look at not just relationship but marriage! keep grace close and continue doing what works for you both! your brst days are ahead of you and your family 👪 I love you guys.

Honest, Thoughtful and Amazing ❤️❤️❤️

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So real, so raw... As beautiful as they are!
Absolutely loved it and wish them an abundance of love and blessings!

Love the Ellis's and love this book!

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I love the trueness, the openness, the knowledge given, teaching given, the love and kindness

Great job

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I love this couple and their family and it was so inspiring hearing their story. I first discovered Kay and Devale on a show called Black Love. At first I thought they were one of those ‘perfect couples’ turned relationship coaches who give stereotypical advice on how to find love/marriage. I then saw their YouTube channel randomly in the pandemic and have loved them since. I love how they tell their story their own way and express their love to each other and children.

The story about the abortion really really touched me and even brought me to tears. I loved how they were both there for each other during such a difficult time in their lives and continue to always have each others backs. Would highly recommend having a listen whether you are single married or dating.

Inspiring

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I loved the honesty in this book and it gives you hope that HEALTHY black love exists! It makes you realise that it won’t always be smooth, but if the two of you are committed to a common goal, things can happen! This book shows you how team work, makes the dream work! Loved it x

Black love exists😍

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I loved how transparent D&K are, they talk on things that most people would hide and I love that as it shows that trials regular folks go through, social media couples go through also. I’ve recommended to all of my friends. Couples and single.

So Real!!!

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