Toxic cover art

Toxic

Tackling 'Razor' and Finding the Real Me

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Toxic

By: Neil Ruddock
Narrated by: Neil Ruddock, Stuart Nurse
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About this listen

 SHORTLISTED FOR AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF THE YEAR AT THE SPORTS BOOK AWARDS 2025

'Extraordinary . . . entertaining and inspiring.' Daily Express

'Neil's book has given me a new-found appreciation of how he used the "Razor" alter ego to mask what he was going through. The recent turnaround in him, both physical and mental, is a revelation.' ALAN SHEARER

'Love Neil Ruddock. One of the old school. He's honest and funny as f**k. A beautiful read and a strong bit of memoir. Well done son.' DANNY DYER

'You think you know "Razor" Ruddock? Well, think again. This is a courageous and fascinating autobiography by my ex-teammate, a book which will inspire so many others to confront their past and change their life.' ROBBIE FOWLER

'Neil has always been the life and soul of the party but I can't tell you how much Toxic has given me a more rounded picture of him. To have the strength and determination to transform his life is a special thing.' ROBBIE WILLIAMS

'Neil's book blew my mind. Now I understand my friend's journey to finally being comfortable in his own skin.' IAN WRIGHT

Neil 'Razor' Ruddock tells the inspiring and uplifting story of how he faced the battle of his life: to become a different person.

In this inspiring and uplifting memoir, Neil Ruddock charts his toxic journey of self-destruction, a path littered with food addiction, plummeting self-confidence and a dangerous relationship with drink which took him to the brink of death.

'Razor' was his caricature of the larger-than-life football hardman, a persona which turned from a natural extension of Ruddock's character to a comfort blanket to smother every mood, every emotion. When his front door closed, the laughter stopped. He was depressed and despairing. Football had institutionalised him. Talking about his inner feelings wasn't an option, owning up to mental health issues was an absolute no-no.

In a remarkable series of confessions, and with his trademark humour and brutal honesty, Ruddock recounts how he spiralled so far out of control that he lost sight of who he really was. No matter how he was feeling, he reached for the same old answer - the mask of 'Razor' and a big night out.

Following the fitting of a pacemaker and drastic stomach surgery, Ruddock has lost nine stones, firmly pressed the reset button on his life, and found the strength to free himself of the shackles of the bloke he thought he needed to be in order to become the man he always knew he was.

Toxic tells the story of how Ruddock faced the battle of his life: to become a different person. No longer does he feel the need to be anything but his true self. As he now says: I'm half the man I used to be, but twice the man I used to be.'©2024 Neil Ruddock (P)2024 Headline Publishing Group Limited Football (Soccer) Mental Health Psychology Psychology & Mental Health Sports Funny Feel-Good

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All stars
Most relevant  
if you ever saw this guy play football you will understand when I say he put the same energy, desire and heart onto the page as he did the pitch.

A rale shared with passion

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Neil reads the introduction, then Stuart Nurse does a great job narrating the book, giving it pace, energy, and humour. The book could easily just be a collection of great football stories, but it’s much more serious than that in places. A very honest book about sport, fame, family and health, and a great listen.

An excellent listen

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Very much a warts and all account that has the right balance of humour and pathos.

Funny and honest account

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I myself had major issues and like Razor my wife saved me, and I hope this book saves many many more people

Just so honest and emotional

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Really enjoyed the football stories & Razors shenanigans off the pitch too . Thoroughly enjoyed it . Always did like Razor

Great insight into Razor

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Unreal listen. Razor/ Neil is a legend. Wish he had of went to meeting with Walter Smith.

Class as expected.

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As a suffer with weight issues I could identify with everything Razor …. Sorry Neil wrote and it has inspired me to seek help to start a long journey.

Inspirational

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Growing up in a similar period I loved the references to the late 70’s early 80’s. + I live in Ashford.
Very honest, I’ve seen Razor many times and will now look at home with a different view.

I thought the narrator over egged the accent a little & it grew hard to listen to.

Very honest account of his life.

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Never a massive fan but loved this, I can relate to his struggles. Great to hear from Razor and Neil Ruddock. Top read

Better than you think

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Neil "Razor" Ruddock's autobiography *Toxic* is a candid and raw reflection of his life both on and off the football pitch. What stands out most about the book is his unapologetic honesty and humor. Ruddock is known for his larger-than-life personality, and *Toxic* fully embraces that, with plenty of wild stories from his football career and personal life, delivered in a no-holds-barred, often self-deprecating style.

I appreciate how he discusses both the highs and lows of his career, from playing in the Premier League to dealing with the aftereffects of his reckless lifestyle. His transparency about his struggles with discipline, relationships, and post-football life offers a rare glimpse into the darker side of fame and sporting success.

Top geezer

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