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Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay

A Step-by-Step Guide to Help You Decide Whether to Stay In or Get Out of Your Relationship

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Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay

By: Mira Kirshenbaum
Narrated by: Adriane McNeely
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About this listen

To make up or break up? Whether you’re just getting serious or have a long-term commitment, no other question causes so much heartache and self-doubt. Many other books tell you how to fix your relationship. This groundbreaking best seller is the first one to help you choose whether you should try—or you need to go.

Psychotherapist Mira Kirshenbaum draws on years of research and her work with real-life couples to help you make the right decision. She shows you how to diagnose your unique situation with self-analysis and questions like these, which get to the very heart of your problems:

  • What sins are forgivable and which ones unpardonable?
  • Is your partner questioning your opinions to the point where you doubt yourself?
  • What is your sex life really like, and how important is it?
  • Is there real love left between you, and how does it stack up against all that you find unlovable?

    • Mira Kirshenbaum provides expert guidelines that are the key to making all your choices, concrete steps that you can implement right now, and the ultimate way to determine your personal bottom line—what you need to be happy. This remarkably insightful and probing guide offers advice that lets you see the truth about your relationship—and with wisdom and compassion, it helps you act with the confidence of knowing that, whether you decide to go or stay, you are doing the very best thing.

    ©1997 Mira Kirshenbaum (P)2010 Brilliance Audio, Inc.     Conflict Resolution Divorce & Separation Love, Dating & Attraction Marriage & Long-Term Partnerships Psychology Psychology & Mental Health Relationships

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    Critic reviews

    "[T]hreaded through the book, which is written in a sympathetic, chatty, accessible style, are validating anecdotes that dramatize how other people have experienced and responded to the same problems the reader is going through." ( Publishers Weekly)
    All stars
    Most relevant  
    A helpful emotional navigational tool! gives you plenty to think about if your feeling ambivalent about your relationship.

    A helpful emotional navigational tool!

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    I liked the book, I think it helped me cope with my wife’s decision to end our relationship. It didn’t touch on attachment theory, and I had convinced myself she was a Dismissive Avoidant… so where to go? Ultimately this book helped me realize she won’t touch me and that makes it too bad to stay. I didn’t like the references to America, the world is a lot bigger than that, and the use of first person pronouns when they don’t match your situation.

    Insightful questions that make you think

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    I’m a very brainy person and I have trouble assessing my emotions and this helped my understand very clearly what was wrong in my relationship and what is to be fixed, and if it’s not fixed then it’s goodbye. I feel like I have a path forward now, but it’s helped me understand the non negotiables.

    Incredible useful

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    like many others who are looking to buy this book, I was in a 6 year relationship which I had become increasingly unhappy with. but I wasn't that bad so I was stuck with what I should do. there were many of the points I related to and they are not rocket science but the value of this book is hearing examples of couples that can be related to and hearing how they were happier if they left the relationship. ultimately, I decided to leave the relationship and a few months on (even though it was horrible at 1sr) i can honestly say I am glad I left and I am glad I bought and listened too this book. I may of left eventually myself but this helped me get their quicker. you become so bogged down in a relationship and nothing is clear anymore but it sure is once you are free.

    helped me decide what to do with my relationship

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    I’m pretty sure if you follow the questions she poses right through to the last chapter, you will move from ambivalence to clarity about your relationship. Some chapters will really hit you between the eyes and others not do much, but every chapter had really helpful tips and examples and metaphors.

    A fantastic way to get clarity.

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    a very informative book based in reality and years of experience and knowledge of working with people . The examples are reassuring and often resonate ( even when you don't want them to ) as the author has actually helped people rather than just written a theoretical book .
    The exercises are simple , clear and SMART so solution focused. No room for maybes....if there is revisit and listen to your gut .
    I think a paper copy may be needed for me to go back and reference
    easy to listen to as the examples resonate due to their reality

    Removes the emotion so you can deal with reality

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    While a good and well structured book. Ultimate it can be summarised in the quote from Sit Alex Ferguson about whether to play a player or not. The same with relationships, if there is doubt, there is no doubt you should end the relationship.

    The dimensions you need to consider are useful.

    Where there is doubt, there is no doubt

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    In my opinion, it is truly difficult to understand what constitutes a healthy relationship (sort of like a healthy diet). There are so many social platitudes friends say when offering advice, and there is almost no guaranteed way to understand if a potential partner is a good fit for your life.

    With that being said, the book offers you an approach that shifts your paradigm from a conventional lawyer style approach to a diagnostic approach, which was a gamechanger for me.

    the book I wish I had read in my twenties

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    Good information, very informative and helpful. I would recommend checking it out if thinking about leaving a relationship.

    Helpful book

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    The content is thought provoking and helpful. However, there is a fair amount of repetition and there are no chapter titles to help you skip irrelevant content.

    A helpful book overall

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