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How to Be a Footballer
- Narrated by: Peter Crouch
- Length: 7 hrs and 36 mins
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How to Be a Footballer
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Summary
**A Sunday Times Sports Book of the Year**
**Shortlisted for the National Book Awards**
**Longlisted for the Telegraph Sports Book Awards Autobiography of the Year**
You become a footballer because you love football. And then you are a footballer, and you're suddenly in the strangest, most baffling world of all. A world where one team-mate comes to training in a bright red suit with matching top-hat, cane and glasses, without any actual glass in them, and another has so many sports cars they forget they have left a Porsche at the train station. Even when their surname is incorporated in the registration plate.
So walk with me into the dressing-room, to find out which players refuse to touch a football before a game, to discover why a load of millionaires never have any shower-gel, and to hear what Cristiano Ronaldo says when he looks at himself in the mirror.
We will go into post-match interviews, make fools of ourselves on social media and try to ensure that we never again pay £250 for a haircut that should have cost a tenner. We'll be coached and cajoled by Harry Redknapp, upset Rafa Benitez and be soothed by the sound of an accordion played by Sven-Goran Eriksson's assistant Tord Grip. There will be some very bad music and some very bad decisions.
I am Peter Crouch. This is How To Be A Footballer. Shall we?
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Critic reviews
'Very funny on almost every page, wonderfully self-deprecating and very sharp on the ludicrous behaviour of the modern player' - Sunday Times
'The funniest man in British sport' - Metro
Audible Sessions with Peter Crouch
Meet the author of How to Be a FootballerWhat listeners say about How to Be a Footballer
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- alex mcfarlane
- 30-11-18
Outstanding!
The fact that Peter Crouch is your narrator only adds to this gem of a book. It's not done in diary form as a life story but in sections as inane as haircuts and clothing.
This only adds to its brilliance, literally laugh out loud funny. No bragging although not scared to admit that he's had his "big time" moments.
Definitely the type of big daft mate you'd love to go for a few beers with.
Entertaining throughout, it's as funny as a sports book gets. Please, please, please go into management because this is the natural successor to Ian Holloway.
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2 people found this helpful
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Amazon Customer
- 12-08-22
Great listen and funny
Enjoyed the book and we’ll narrated by Peter, he made it enjoyable and funny, well worth your time and money
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1 person found this helpful
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- AquaMan69
- 16-11-22
Great listen
Funny and interesting, classic Crouchy!
A real insight into the world of a footballer, in the words of someone who tells a great story. Couldn’t stop listening to this one.
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1 person found this helpful
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- K. mc
- 30-09-22
top bloke
not a fan of any teams he has played for but I really like him and really enjoyed this book and also respect to Peter for reading it as well
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1 person found this helpful
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Dan Marnane
- 21-03-21
Fantastic
Perfect first audio book. Just like his podcast but a bit less in depth on some of the same stories covered on both platforms.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Craig
- 15-08-19
Bobby dazzler
Typical Crouch, honest and hilarious.
A Refreshing change to the usual Autobiography, this is different and brilliant. Although his live for Gerrad should have Abby worried.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Cookie
- 10-06-19
Enjoyable read
Loved this book. Stories and insights great for a football fan. Peter comes across as a nice guy and as a Liverpool fan I loved the Liverpool related stuff.
Funny and witty.. great book Mr Couch..
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Kindle Customer
- 11-12-18
Superb.
Just loved every minute. Laughed out loud. Could be so much more to come. Crouchy gets it spot on. Well done!
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- ricke williams
- 25-11-18
It's really is brilliant
My wife has all but had an affair with Crouchie. Choosing to listen to him and chuckle away even though she has limited interest in football than watch a film with me. For myself such fun of 7 hours plus I have not found anywhere else on audible. Well done Crouchie
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Anthony Craddock
- 18-11-18
Nothing Robotic Here
As usual, Crouch is funny, down to earth and honest. he really is one footballs best men. Loved his stories, laughed a lot. Good read.
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