
Fair Play
Share the Mental Load, Rebalance Your Relationship and Transform Your Life
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Narrated by:
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Eve Rodsky
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By:
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Eve Rodsky
About this listen
Eve Rodsky is changing society one relationship at a time, by coming up with a 21st-century solution to an age-old problem: women shouldering the brunt of domestic responsibilities, the mental load, the emotional labour. Everything that is required to keep the fridge full, the children's homework in their schoolbags, and the the household running. The unequal division of all this invisible work in relationships is a recipe for disaster, but no one has offered a real solution to this dilemma, until now.
Eve Rodsky was tired of always being the one who has to remember to buy loo roll, or to book the family's dentist appointments, or to send the thank you cards - all while working full time. So Eve decided to do what she does every day as an organisational psychologist: organise. She conducted original research with more than 500 couples to figure out what the invisible work in a family actually is and how to get it done effectively and all in a way that makes relationships even stronger. Fair Play identifies the 100 main tasks in any relationship, and then divides those tasks fairly (not necessarily equally) so that both parties contribute their fair share.
If we don't learn to rebalance our home life and reclaim some time to develop the skills and passions that keep us unique, then we risk losing our right to be interesting, not just to our partner but to ourselves. Getting this right isn't a luxury, it's a necessity for a happy, lasting partnership. Part how-to guide for couples, part modern relationship manifesto, Fair Play offers an innovative system with a completely original lexicon to discuss how relationships actually work...and how we can make them work better.
©2019 Eve Rodsky (P)2019 Penguin AudioI feel seen!!
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Great book to rebalance the mental load
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Profound
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Finally, 1 for Mums, without putting Dads down
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Well-informed discussion of gender roles
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A must have entering a relationship
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A Timed Message For Today's Couple.
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Excellent well-researched system for domestic life
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My second gripe is that quite some cards can be entirely automated because there are tools to do this. Nobody needs to hold the card "calendar keeper" if you have a shared Google calendar. Also we have scheduled automatic bill payment, so none of us hold that card. This book can use a healthy dose of 21st century tech that's at everyone's disposal.
The author is/used to be(?) a program manager and that shows in this book. While the book is an excellent tool for visualizing the amount of work that needs to be done by both partners, it's far too rigid to be efficient. And also, it's rare in any kind of organization for a single person to be responsible for all 3 CPE components.
Example rigidity CPE: author says involve your partner in the C and P part of the CPE because they can have meaningful input or hold other, relevant cards that may be required. However, she strongly discourages involving your partner in the E (execution) part. The main reason she gives is that, because of miscommunication the E can go wrong and that will lead to conflict. Instead you're supposed to own the E part yourself or get someone else who is not your partner to do it. But wait, if you get someone else to do it for you, don't you bump into that same potential miscommunication problem?
In real life it's difficult for one person to do the entire CPE for tasks and often require help. For example, if I hold the renovation card, it's pretty easy for me to do the C and P but what if I cannot operate the circular saw while my partner can? It's strange to ask my neighbor for help or hire someone to do this.
Conclusion: my partner and I use it as a conceptual tool to divide tasks on a high level and to visualize the amount of work each of us do. However we've made our own tweaks so that the method works for us. A big part of that is involving the right person in the Execution phase of a task.
Decent tool for sharing tasks but conflicting
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It's eye opening to hear how much mums struggle on daily basis. Good reminder of why I should think hard before deciding on having children.
Still entertaining to listen.
Make me don't want children
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